Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The Gifts of Old Age

See those eyes. Imagine a soft whimper to go along with it. That was Riley this morning at my feet as I had finished my oatmeal and was starting to write. I had already let him out twice and checked his water bowl. He doesn't eat at this hour, so I wasn't sure what he wanted, but there he sat with that plaintive look, asking me for something, and once again I was frustrated that I don't speak Lhasa.

This language barrier, however, does not stop me from talking to him, so I picked him up, put him in my lap, and explained that I was trying to write, and to my surprise he settled down and now sits here warm and soft. Now I have the problem of trying to type when he's in front of the keyboard, but that's okay.

This is a new behavior. When he was younger the only time he would sit on my lap was when he was scared--either when there was a thunder storm or when I was about to leave him, but he is old now, 14 to be exact. Now he is content to just sit and cuddle, and I am pleased to have him here  especially on this frigid morning. Don't get me wrong, I have always appreciated him, enjoyed his youthful energy, his curiosity, but this quieter, mellower pup is a gift.

There have been other, not so welcome changes. He seems to have forgotten the rules about bodily elimination, so I invest in puppy pads which I place at his favorite release points. Of course, then he finds new favorite spots. He still loves his walks in the park, though he tends to leave the geese to themselves, and he no longer chases any of the squirrels or cats who wander into the yard. He takes longer naps and  sleeps much more soundly.

Funny, I find myself taking longer naps too. Yes, we're growing older together, and when it's sub-zero outside and the world is still enjoying Valentine's candy, it's nice to have someone warm and soft to cuddle with.

Friday, February 6, 2015

I Love Coffee, I Love Tea

Every morning in the kitchen on Lancaster Street my mother would get out the small aluminum percolator, fill it with water, measure the Eight O'Clock coffee into the basket, and set it on the old gas stove where it would bubble perk, bubble perk. The pot made just three cups of coffee--one for my mother, one for my father, and one for my grandfather to pour over his Shredded Wheat.

I always tried to be nearby when he opened the box with the picture of Niagara Falls on the front. In each box were four layers, each with three pillows of cereal. I had no interest in the cereal. (Amazingly I was a picky eater back then). What I was interested in were the cardboard inserts between each layer, and when Grandpa reached another layer, I got the insert. There were puzzles, and cut-outs, and other such things of interest to an eight year old.

I wasn't a fan of coffee either. I was offered a spoonful of very light, very sweet coffee once, and made the immediate judgment that the adults were welcome to it. Tea, on the other hand, was something I not only drank, but something that became a part of play as my cousin Bonnie and I planned and celebrated countless tea parties with our dolls on my tiny set of blue willow wear china.

My mother would make tea using one Lipton’s tea bag to a very large pot of water. Our miniature cups were half filled with this pale liquid. Then we would add a couple of spoonfuls of sugar and fill up the cup with milk. I’m sure neither Bonnie nor I knew about holding the cup with our pinkie extended, but we felt quite grown up drinking real tea. Of course, my favorite part of the tea party was not the tea, but the food that went with it.

We did not serve watercress sandwiches or crumpets. No, our favorite delicacy was Ritz crackers covered in peanut butter and marshmallow. We each had our own small knife to use for spreading, and sometimes it was almost a duel as we reached for the peanut butter or the marshmallow fluff at the same time. The tea was cool by the time we had devoured all the crackers. At the end of our repast the remaining peanut butter was streaked with white marshmallow, and the marshmallow fluff jar had peanut butter thumbprints on it. When the party was over and Bonnie went home, I would wash all the dishes and return them to their place in the corner cupboard, safe until the next grand feast.


Today I drink mostly coffee which I discovered to be quite satisfying, and when I drink tea, I drink it plain without either sugar or milk. In my dining room I have a few pieces left of that blue willow ware tea set. They sit quietly on the shelf. Most of the time I don’t even notice them until I do my biennial dusting. Sometimes a guest will ask if they are part of a set. I reply that yes, once there was a full set that was used regularly. They were the service for magnificent tea parties that would have made the Mad Hatter jealous.

Friday, January 9, 2015

I Keep Learning from Emily



One of the treasures under my Christmas tree this year was The Gorgeous Nothings—a facsimile publication of poems and fragments of poems that Emily Dickinson wrote on envelopes. They are photographed and reproduced so clearly that I have to resist picking them up off the page. It feels as if I’m looking over her shoulder as she writes on that tiny table in the upstairs room in Amherst.





In the many times I have visited her home, I am most fascinated by this very small table by the window where she wrote--the surface of which is as sparse as her poems.

When I sit down to write, I like space to spread out, reference books close at hand, fresh paper  and ink in the printer. I like the room at a comfortable temperature—not too cold in the winter, not too hot in the summer. I like a beverage nearby—usually either herbal tea or diet soda. I like it quiet, silent really. I like it well lit, both with the overhead light and the desk lamp lit. When all that is in place, I may write something worthy of being worked into a poem. She sat at a table not much larger than my laptop and wrote magnificence.


In this book I see scraps that she turned into wonder.  Envelopes I would throw into the recycling bin without a second thought she saw as an opportunity to explore the world. Thumbing through this book, I am reminded of a former student.

When I was teaching poetry, I asked my students to keep a daily journal, encouraging them to use it as a place to write down any fragments of inspiration that came to them, and any poems that might come from that. Most students used spiral notebooks or loose leaf binders, all except one. Bob had an after school job in a stock room where there were lulls between his responsibilities, so he used that time to write. His “journal” was a collection of packing slips, register receipts, and any other scrap of paper he could find to write on. More often than not, it was in these “nothings” that I saw some of the best work from my students.

Bob and Emily understood something I am still learning—where you write and on what you write is less important that that you write. The muse can be distracted by concerns about furniture and paper stock.


Friday, December 12, 2014

Feeling Scrappy


I am not a quilter. I am too imprecise at measuring and cutting, not to mention my uneven stitches. My motto on most crafty projects is "close enough." But close enough doesn't work with pieces that need to line up evenly. Years ago I collected a box of fabric scraps intending to create my own quilt, but eventually I faced facts and gave up the idea. Still I continue to admire the work of those who know what they're doing such as my late cousin Evelyn who created several beautiful pieces, one of which covers a small table next to my bed.

I bring this up because at the moment  I am producing a lot of scraps in my writing. I will put a few lines together--some of which I really like and think could be formed into a good poem. I have a real sense of where I want them to go, what I want them to say, but in the process of working on them, I get stuck, so I go on to another piece, and the same thing happens.

Today, for instance, I started working on a poem about my visit to Pompeii in 1999 with my boyfriend at the time. I had started this poem awhile back but abandoned it (another scrap).  I found parallels between a cast of lovers, their passion frozen in time by the volcanic eruption and the two of us stumbling through the ruins, while at the same time our relationship was headed toward finality, albeit less dramatic. Did I want to start with us or the lovers? Did I want to include historical details? Did I want to include the fact that I bought a flimsy hat I thought would protect me from the sun? As you can see, "close enough" does not work for me when I'm writing. I stopped a few times to look up information on the eruption, get a cup of coffee, stare out the window, but eventually I gave up, adding another scrap to the pile.


While I am not a quilter, I don't like to think of myself as a quitter. I believe someday I will get back to all these orphaned scraps and create something from them, but for now I will have to settle for this post of clumsily stitched together frustrations.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Connecticut 191

Traveling south into Connecticut, I enjoy a back road route through the old villages of Hazardville, Scitico, Melrose, and Broad Brook-- hamlets  that were long ago swallowed up into the towns of Enfield and East Windsor. 

Below Route 190, it's mostly farmland--tobacco, corn, apples, squash, blueberries, and tree farms. I enjoy watching the seasons change--the rough furrows of soil being made ready for planting in the spring, and a little later acres of rhododendrons and azaleas flashing bright pink. This time of year the orchards are loaded with apples.


This week in between fields cut back ready for a winter's rest, there was a whole field of sunflowers still standing and staring at their namesake, and a field of perfectly ripe pumpkins I hadn't noticed last week.  Between last week and this, the pumpkins' leaves had dried and withered, exposing this array of round orange fruit. I did not see any farm stand nearby selling pumpkins, so I suspect there are no future jack o' lanterns here. These are the leftovers, left to be eaten by the wildlife.


A little beyond the field of pumpkins is an old tobacco barn that has fallen. I remember its slow leaning, leaning, finally succumbing to gravity with the help of a hurricane.  The old barn, the old villages have past, but today the pumpkins are ripe and ready.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Old Friends








Yesterday Riley went to the Dog Shop
where they brushed his hair for half an hour.
This morning he wanders the still green yard,
as if he carries a frost of snow on his back.
When climbing into the car, he needs a lift
where he used to leap right up to the seat.

Yesterday Jean called to say that Peter had died.
Peter and Riley enjoyed each other.
Peter would feed him bits of cheese.
This is the last one, then one more.
Neither Riley nor I complained.
This morning I am fed by this memory.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

My Un-Bucket List

I see the signs: the blossoms on the hydrangea are turning pink, the days are getting shorter, I'm dragging out my sweatshirts. Summer's over, fall is upon us. The seasons are passing more and more quickly. Some people, considering this, create a bucket list. Not the sort our friend Homer created, but a list of things they want to do before they kick the proverbial bucket.

I don't have such a list, although there are some things I would put on one: visit Mont St. Michel, publish my latest collection of poetry, meet the man of my dreams. (hope springs eternal).

But as I consider that every day I have 86,400 fewer seconds  than I did the day before, I've decided it’s more important to cross some things off my list, and thereby clear away space and time for the important stuff. To wit, I present my Un-bucket List: Things that I have decided I never have to do:
  • read Ulysses
  • eat raw oysters
  • dust the top of the refrigerator
  • write the great American novel, or any novel for that matter
  • learn the difference between a sine and a cosine
  • run a marathon
  • climb anything higher than the step ladder
  • learn how to fold fitted sheets
  • learn to play the violin
  • travel to a pole—North or South (sorry,  Santa)
  • swim with sharks
  • invite the Queen to tea
  • alphabetize my books
  • run for elected office
  • cheer for the Yankees


 If forced by circumstances or embarrassment, I may do any of the following:
  • drive in NYC
  • watch another Eugene O’Neill play (I know, I know, it’s great art, but it puts me to sleep)
  • roll out a pie crust
  • run, except to catch a runaway dog

OK, I've cleared away a bit of time. Now I think I'll take a nap--that's always on my list of things to do.